Are We Choosing Love… or Just Trying Not to Get Played?

SheraSeven is a controversial American YouTuber and TikToker known for providing blunt dating advice focused on women marrying wealthy men, avoiding 50/50 relationships, and getting financial support.

I heard a woman say, “Love don’t pay bills,” and what stood out to me wasn’t just the statement itself, but how easily it was accepted, because in a time where everything feels expensive, unstable, and uncertain, that mindset no longer sounds cold or cynical, it sounds realistic.

Nobody is dreaming about being in love while stressed, and nobody is excited about building a future with someone who cannot meet them in stability, because the truth is that love by itself does not remove pressure, it does not guarantee security, and it definitely does not protect you from the consequences of choosing the wrong person.

And that is where a lot of the tension between Black men and women is coming from right now, because this is not simply about money or materialism, it is about what people have experienced when they chose love first and ended up carrying more than they were ever meant to.

Women are tired of pouring into men who never build back, who accept support, loyalty, and patience but never turn that investment into something solid, while men are tired of feeling like their value is measured primarily by what they can provide, navigating situations where their financial contributions are expected but their presence is not fully appreciated.

So now, instead of approaching relationships with openness, people are approaching them with caution, because nobody wants to be the one who gives too much and walks away with nothing.

You can even see this shift playing out in real time through culture, from the rise of “soft life” conversations to viral voices like SheraSeven, where women are openly saying they would rather enter a situation that is already secure than build one from the ground up, and while that may sound extreme to some, it reflects a deeper truth that many people are no longer willing to take the same risks they once did.

What used to be a willingness to build together has slowly turned into a desire to select someone who already appears finished, already stable, and already aligned, because building has started to feel less like partnership and more like potential loss.

The problem is that most people are still in process, still working toward stability, still healing from what they have experienced, and still trying to figure out how to create a life that feels secure, which means that when two people meet, they are often meeting in the middle of becoming, not at the end of it.

And yet, despite that reality, both people are waiting.

Waiting for clarity.

Waiting for proof.

Waiting for the other person to take the first step.

Because underneath all of this is a shared fear that does not get said out loud, where both people are thinking that they are not willing to fully invest unless they are sure they are not going to lose.

So what happens instead is hesitation.

Connections that have potential never fully develop, conversations stay surface-level, and relationships sit in a space where something could happen, but nothing actually does.

And that leaves people stuck in the same question.

If nobody is willing to go first, how does anything real ever begin?

There is a deeper layer to this conversation that goes beyond just choosing love or choosing stability, because the real issue is not that people want security, it is that people no longer know how to move forward in a way that allows for both connection and protection at the same time.

So if you have ever found yourself in a situation where you genuinely like someone, where there is potential, but nothing is progressing in a way that feels clear or intentional, or where you feel like you are doing more than the other person just to keep things moving, then you are not alone in that experience.

The real question is not just whether someone should take the first step, but how to do that without putting yourself in a position where you are over-investing, over-functioning, or carrying the weight of the relationship by yourself.

That is exactly what I break down in more detail, including how to recognize whether someone is actually worth building with, what leadership realistically looks like in 2026, and how to move forward without repeating the same patterns, over on my Patreon.

👉🏾 Continue the full conversation and get the deeper breakdown here:

Patreon: "Are We Choosing Love...Or Just Trying Not to Get Played"

Final Thought

Love may not pay the bills, but the real question is whether we have moved so far into self-protection that we no longer know how to build something real when the opportunity is actually in front of us.

Topic of My Next Post: The Soft Life Isn’t Soft for Everybody

Because even when you do find alignment, effort, and potential, there is still another layer to unpack, and that is the reality that ease in relationships is not experienced equally.

Who gets to rest?

Who is still expected to carry?

And what happens when both people are tired, but neither one feels safe enough to admit it?

That is what we are getting into next.